Hello again. heres the post I've been waiting for. Where I step out of this shell of entertainment I have tried to create, and the real angst tarts to show.
This isnt because I feel like I have the relationship with readers as such that I can just tell truthes and confide in the domain... but more or less because I am bored.
Moving on.
I had a motto once, it wasnt too long ago. It essentially said that "A Painful Optimism will overcome Crushing Doubt."
It was more or less a way of dealing with paranoia. When ever I was in a situation where I was scared about the outcome I would tell myself that and I could imagine the best possible scenario even if I knew how unlikely it would be.
Unfortunately I am losing my ability to do this. I dont know why but things are affecting me far more than they normally would. I'm in a constant state of panic, and every slight insult makes me completely distraught.
I would just say that everything is effecting me more, but the good things in my life are starting to slip by unnoticed, and the bad are dwelling in my mind.
Now I dont want to dwell on this. I'm merely in a bad mood and I am sure I will perk up again sometime soon. I guess I just wanted to share the fact that my mottos have changed, which also indicates I have changed as a person.
I guess this is effecting me a lot more than it should because a lot of people have been telling me that lately... And I guess I am starting to believe them.
I have changed. I just dont know whether it is for the better.
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